Archived Memos from May, 2013

Friday, May 31, 2013

We kicked it off with a big bon voyage to our buddy Bass, who was, unfortunately, terminated before this evening’s program. Yep, Dan Levy. Fired. A real shocker. It’s almost unbelievable. But apparently, the company has “decided to go in another direction.”

I should be clear — that quote I just read about the company? That was actually a fake quote from Sam … Read More

Friday, May 17, 2013

We kicked it off with the follow-up to last night’s news that Sam would be taking this evening off. You’ll recall – he told us that he had to take a caravan of inner city 8th graders on a camping trip to Wisconsin.

Abe has often told us about when they were younger — any time Sam got upset, he packed … Read More

Thursday, May 16, 2013

We kicked it off with a mighty three-man push of The Abe Kanan Show’s infamous Ball-Busting Pendulum™. Tonight, she was pointed squarely at Sam Kanan who, we found out, is “pulling a Bass” and missing tomorrow night’s show. Sam hasn’t sat out a single second in over two years, so clearly he’s called off for something important, right? Wrong.

Sam has … Read More

Friday, May 10, 2013

We dropped the needle on this one by dropping a bombshell! But first.. a little setup:

After last night’s show, the four of us pulled an all-nighter. Like the posse of potential Popes shutting in at the Vatican, we had a life-altering decision to make. A choice so significant that we locked ourselves inside this studio, agreeing that no one was … Read More

Thursday, May 09, 2013

We set it off with Abe doing two things he does best:

Roasting the pathetic majority of radio losers
Patting himself on the back

Abe stopped just shy of giving himself some type of humanitarian award for turning down an offer to speak at an out-of-town broadcasting “school.” And I use the word school loosely — it’s a school in the same way … Read More

Friday, May 03, 2013

We fired her up with another Abe-ism outta deep right field: “Is it possible for a cooooo person to cancel out a douchebag?” He was referring to Matthew McConaughey and Guy Fieri, respectively. For reasons unknown, Abe wasted a portion of his afternoon watching an old replay of Guy’s ButtHut on The Food Network. (Is that what’s it called, Abe?) Anyway, Matthew was pretending to … Read More

Thursday, May 02, 2013

We kicked this sucker off with a live chicken sacrifice & group prayer to Lucifer in honor of Slayer’s Jeff Hanneman who permanently relocated “South of Heaven” earlier this afternoon.

In terms of rockstar deaths, Jeff really went out in a brutal blaze of badass glory! He slowly passed as a result of complications from an insect bite suffered back in … Read More

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