ON HOLD ARCHIVES

Archive for 2019

ABE KANAN SHOW ON 95 WIIL ROCK: EPISODE 3 – 8-17-2019


Episode 3 recap…

Special Guest: Zack, the abandoned roadie, who stopped in to tell a Love Gun story after asking 500 times to do it.

PSAbe: If you’ve ever marked yourself safe on Facebook, you’re a piece of garbage.

Abe Kanan Tip: If you’re arguing with someone, tickle them and see what happens.

Abe Kanan Thought: “Ann, are you drunk right now?”

Round Three of Request Wars: 2x Champion Vinny in Lombard “Welcome to the Jungle” vs Challenger Ann from Chicago “Kickstart My Heart” – Winner: Ann

The Douchebag Power Rankings:

Heatseeker: Bill Walton (For his LSD being knocked loose from his system and making the White Sox game amazing)

#5: The lady in front of Abe at (censored sub shop) and the guy who worked the register (For paying for her sandwich with boob money and then they tried to give Abe the boob money as change)

#4: Abe Kanan (For not being able to run around the block)

#3: Chris Zylka (For covering up his Paris Hilton tattoo with a gorilla tattoo)

#2: A-Rod (For his car getting robbed of $500,000 in jewelry)

#1: Jussie Smollett (For wanting to sue Chicago for suing him)

Good Day/Shame Day Requests: Good – sex for the first time in 3 years, painting grandpas house and seeing an uncle’s soccer game — Shame – blowing up the company truck and not catching catfish, sending creepy DM’s to chicks, eating floor pizza that fell under the couch.

Misc Notes:

Love Gun Stories returned for an encore with stories from Abe, Dave Lee Roth’s Roadies Son Zack (who was also a roadie,) and a whopper of a tale by Jay the Gay.

Abe discussed his expensive fantasy football league, where he is the reigning champ. Bass checked in to reveal how bad his draft went and some of the top picks.

Woody the Prison Squad Leader called in to tell an incredible story about a tweaker and his monkey.

Sam called in and was stunned when Abe asked what he would do if he tickled him.

Roker checked in with a slob show tip.

Jay the Gay put several people (Abe, Roker, Bass and Sam) into their gay slang categories.

The private zoo prank call was played.

Can Crush Jack checked in to crush a can in Abe’s honor.

Abe discussed people complaining about tourists around Abbey Road.

ABE KANAN SHOW ON 95 WIIL ROCK: EPISODE 2 – 8-10-2019

Join the show live Saturdays 7PM-Midnight(CST) on 95.1 WIIL ROCK or 95wiilrock.com.

Episode 2 recap…

Special Guest: Roker sat in once more still looking for dem Roker girls #Thirsty

Abe Kanan Thought: “If the Saudi prince is listening, if the Saudi Prince has WIIL Rock on right now” This thought remained unfinished as it turned into a ploy for Abe to get a million dollars.

Abe Kanan Thought: “Any guy will do anything to get laid, including listening to Cascada – Everytime We Touch”

Round Two of Request Wars: Champion Vinny in Lombard “Welcome to the Jungle” vs Challenger Brian in Cobb County “Crazy Train” – Winner: Vinny

The Douchebag Power Rankings:

Heatseeker: Whoever was supposed to watch Jeffery Epstein (Whoops)

#5: The Ruiz/Joshua Rematch (For having their rematch in Saudi Arabia for that sweet blood money)

#4: Antonio Brown (For freezing his feet off and wanting to wear a banned helmet)

#3: Censored Coffee Shop (For being too lazy to make Abe a Frappuccino…err blended cold drink)

#2: The guy who beeps his horn for Abe’s neighbor in the morning (For waking Abe up early)

#1: Curt James Brockway (For fracturing a kids skull at a game because he didn’t take his hat off during the National Anthem.)

Good Day/Shame Day Requests: It was all shame this week including having sex with a guy wearing an I’m with Stupid shirt, a fisherman who couldn’t catch catfish and Jay the Gay thinking Chris Hansen was in studio and then not being paid in meatballs.

Misc Notes:

Love Gun Stories made its triumphant return with a story from Woody (Leader of the Prison Squad) so legendary, the segment was almost retired again.

Attention, are you or do you know a degenerate gambler? Abe is looking for you/them to place bets against everything he does for some form of social experiment.

Abe wants to scare people at the upcoming Field of Dreams baseball game by unleashing holograms of Shoeless Joe Jackson and Dio onto the field.

Of course, this lead to Abe revealing that Rudy made him cry, a surprise for no one that listens regularly.

Abe and Roker go to Woodman’s after each show and eat cheese off each other or something, for some reason people think they are a gay couple.

ABE KANAN SHOW ON 95 WIIL ROCK: EPISODE 1 – 8-3-2019

Join the show live Saturdays 7PM-Midnight(CST) on 95.1 WIIL ROCK or 95wiilrock.com.
 
Episode 1 recap…
– Special Guest: Roker sat in to discuss his Roker Girls (among other things)
 
– Abe Kanan Thought: “Guys who love feet have small junk”
 
– PSAbe: “Anyone in America who gets attacked by a wild animal deserves it.”
 
– Round One of Request Wars: Challenger Vinny in Lombard “Welcome to the Jungle” vs Challenger Mike in Chicago “Cemetery Gates” – Winner: (by a landslide) Vinny
 
– The Douchebag Power Rankings:
 
Heatseeker: Quentin Tarantino (Ruined Once Upon a Time by showcasing dirty feet and making his fetish pronounced)
 
#5: (Censored) Sub Place (Gave Abe only one napkin with his “dripping” sandwich)
 
#4: People who shame Jason Momoa’s “Dad Bod” (He looks great, stop shitting on dad bods)
 
#3: Grace Brown (She peed on potatoes in a Penn Walmart)
 
#2: People who talk on FaceTime in public (Because then you have to deal with 2 idiots talking)
 
#1: The Lollapalooza Security Guard (Who stopped the teen with one leg)
 
Squad Leaders:
 
Vinny became the Squad Leader of Lombard
Canadian Konrad reclaimed being the Squad Leader of Canada
Woody reclaimed being the Squad Leader of Prison
Chris became a Foot Soldier of Twin Lakes and the ambassador to Canadian Konrad
 
Misc Notes:
 
– Abe welcomed the show with Motörhead.
– Show Secretary Jay the Gay called in to announce the return of the

Abe Kanan:ON HOLD Episode 181 – 6/20/2019


Episode 181 topics…
1. People with Amazon wish lists
2. Waking up with a huge lump sum of money in your account
3. People who are embarrassed by their partners
4. O.J Simpson on Twitter
5. Taking a picture with O.J Simpson
6. If your friend killed someone, would you cut them off
7. A new life hack that will change your life
8. The new Popeyes seven-foot chicken meal
9. Awful service at a fast food place
10. Disgusting snot covered girl on a plane

Abe Kanan:ON HOLD Episode 180 – 6/1/2019

Episode 180 topics…
1. O.J Simpson ha sex with Kris Jenner
2. Ideas for celebrities on all currency
3. Elvis impersonator who worked at a gas station
4. People who bought a Harley and now only wear Harley stuff
5. Abe got pulled over for no reason
6. The lion, bear, kangaroo, shark, and gorilla discussion revisited
7. People who don’t tip
8. Vision boards
9. Eating instead of going to the gym

Abe Kanan:ON HOLD Episode 179 – 4/18/2019


Episode 179 topics…
1. Rap songs written by Abe and Bass
2. Bass’ horrible wedding DJ
3. The release of the Robert Kraft massage parlor video
4. Abe overestimated a guys weight and ruined the guys day

Abe Kanan:ON HOLD Episode 178 – 2/22/2019


Episode 178 topics…
1. Sam goes off on Abe about bidet’s
2. Sam discusses the way Abe asked him to be on a new podcast
3. People who are upset when attractive women are with ugly guys
4. Abe was unblocked on Twitter again thanks to the listeners
5. The Kardashian cheating saga
6. Kylie Jenner’s friend had the golden ticket and blew it
7. How Tristan Thompson approaches women
8. People who use contemporary slang
9. Lynyrd Skynyrd dead members
10. Robert Kraft prostitution scandal

Abe Kanan:ON HOLD Episode 177 – 2/7/2019


Episode 177 topics…
1. Check in with Sam after a Dentist visit
2. People who get angry when you ask questions
3. A demanded apology from Chicago Bulls broadcaster
4. Abe, for the third time, was blocked on Twitter
5. People who post about political issues on social media all day
6. The Rock’s cheat meals
7. People with a lot of money need to spend it now
8. People who drink Diet Coke have real issues
9. The glory and depression of eating fast food
10. Going to the casino is like eating fast food
11. Anyone who blocks Abe on Twitter is in horrible company

Abe Kanan:ON HOLD Episode 176 – 1/17/2019


Episode 176 topics…
1. Question: Who is the biggest A-hole on the show
2. Talking to people in elevators
3. People who unfriend you on Facebook and then die
4. The White House fast food feast
5. Fancy restaurant and wedding food
6. Going inside fast food places as opposed to the drive-through
7. It looked like Abe was wearing a thong
8. People who only wear sweatpants
9. Answer: Who is the biggest A-hole on the show

Abe Kanan:ON HOLD Episode 175 – 1/4/2019


Episode 175 topics…
1. Live check in to Las Vegas attempt #1
2. Cell phone greetings
3. Cleanliness with couples
4. R Kelly documentary
5. Cheetahs are now on Abe’s “Do Not Disturb” list
6. Abe named yet another dog
7. Dog naming controversy
8. How to not get killed by gorillas
9. Darth Vader’s body was mainly just a torso
10. Rudy and La Bamba
11. Live check in to Las Vegas attempt #2
12. First ever live roulette bet in podcast history

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