ON HOLD EPISODE

Thursday, February 07, 2013

We kicked off tonight’s show with the first ever Abe Kanan Show Intervention. Our very own Bass has a problem. And it’s deeply affecting all of us. Those of you who follow Bass on Twitter or are friends with him on Facebook, you already know. He is badly addicted to posting photos of himself posing with microphones. Studio mic, stage mic, old mic, gold mic — it makes no difference to Bass. As long as it’s a microphone and in the picture. Presumably, this is a method of self-validation; to remind himself (and the world) that he’s earned the Twitter handle BassOnAir. You see, because his name is Bass and he’s ON THE AIR!?

Bass, I know the unexpected intervention was a lot to handle, so I’ll keep this final note as brief as possible. Usually, people who excel at something, or have confidence in their abilities, don’t feel a need to tell people about it every 20 minutes! My best guess is that the guy I parked next to at CVS with the RCKSTR vanity plate isn’t a real rockstar. See my point? You hit a point where it starts looking desperate. So, when I change my Twitter handle to @RadioRyan, I will expect people to regard me exactly as pathetic as I’m saying I am.

Sam Kanan Quotebook: “Bass, just don’t want to find you in an alley suckin’ d!%# for microphone.”

Abe spent 15 (excruciating) minutes recapping the outcome of the Best Bet of the Week: Heads on the Super Bowl coin toss. Sure enough, it hit for the 5th year running. Meaning that Abe won $1000 of Sam’s money. Or as Abe put it, “I screwed Sam in the mouth.” Anyone else find it sad that Abe’s biggest win in the history of his sports handicapping segment had nothing to do with sports or handicapping?

Sinbad called us from Canada with a cell phone connection precisely as awful as I would expect Sinbad to have. The highlights:

  • He has only one remaining pair of his famous Reebok Blacktop shoes. That’s probably because when you make California’s “Top 10 Worst Debtors” list, they take your other 400 pairs of Reebok Blacktop shoes.
  • He & Abe talked about the lost art of the basketball hook shot. I imagine it sounded a lot like Charlie Hough and Tim Wakefield talking about the beauty of a floating knuckler.
  • He said he’s cooooo with people bringing a shotgun to his shows. Just as long as you keep it under your coat.
  • He feels that Sonic is skimping on the lime part of their limeade.
  • And, maybe my favorite Sinbad moment, he called Sam Kanan “a bitch.”

We tried calling Ron Jeremy in the hospital, but his cell went straight to voicemail. So either he’s dead or filming a scene for “Bedpan Blumpkins 2.”

We talked about the huge manhunt happening in California right now. Usually that’s known as “San Francisco.” But today, cops are trying to find a former cop & current cop-killer named Christopher Dorner.

Before Dorner went on his shooting spree, he posted his manifesto to Tumblr, which we read on the air. Sadly, Chris did leave words of love for his family & friends. Instead, he gave props to his favorite celebrities! And, apparently, Dorner didn’t get it all out in the blog, because he called us live to say that he “forgot to include Spacehog, Modern Family, Lena Dunham and, ironically, Sinbad.”

We did get a few calls from some Men & Women of Honor out in the Los Angeles area. They confirmed that cops are everywhere, wearing full-on riot gear. Police are so on-edge that they shot two innocent white women, who were delivering newspapers, because they had the same make & model truck as their suspect. To be fair to the cops, the two women were actually midgets stacked on top of each other and wearing a trenchcoat. So… easy mistake.

We closed with sports, primarily fallout from Sunday’s Super Bowl. But we immediately reached for the ripcord after Sam said, “Flacco is wacko.”

And finally, I leave you with a side-splitter from the Abe Kanan Quotebook: “I can run just as fast as Ray Lewis.”

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