Thursday, September 06, 2012

We kicked off the show with today’s biggest headline – that scumbag Drew Peterson was found guilty of murdering his 3rd wife. The Abe Kanan Show is the only media outlet with courtroom audio – if you want to hear it.. just put on The Godfather Part 2.

We find out November 26th if Drew spends the full 60 years getting mouthfucked in the commissary.

Moved into last night’s DNC.. and we are all in agreement. Clinton made our manties moist. Dude’s slick. And from the Abe Kanan quotebook: “It’s really too bad about that blowjob and cigar fucking.”

Another astute political observation from our esteemed leader.. “Prior to Michelle Obama, all first ladies have been disgusting.”

Scoring at home? Abe played the Magic Mike speech for the 417th time. Fear not.. I’m deleting it after this show.

Oh, and surprisingly Abe made it all the way to 16 minutes before mentioning dick sizes. But he did have a good point. Guy’s with big dicks are never the one’s into scat play and feet.

Crazy Uncle Joe Biden rolled up in his T-Bird.. stole a few kisses and was badgering B-Rock about whether Michelle’s pussy is pink all the way thru.

Abe’s Best of the Week made it’s long-awaited return.. this week’s pick – take the Saints minus 7 over the Skins. Sam took the opposite and there’s a Benji riding on it.

We learned that Eddie Van Halen’s insides are the human equivalent to a cat living on a pile of shit in a “Hoarders” bathtub.

Ladies.. your man is a lying cheat if any of the following words have ever come out of his mouth at any point ever.

Left. Never. That. Would. Yes Ma’am. By the way. But. Or Why Would I do that? Sadly, Sam does all of them.

And finally.. Bass new fiancée, Jill, dropped by to surprise the big animal and confirm the horror that was their engagement. Based on her story – in which Bass got all red and hid in a closet – his romantic proposal sounds strikingly similar to me as a toddler, shitting in my diaper. But congrats guys!

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